Overused Cat Names
by Stephen Faleski
Notes from the shelter bulletin board:
One thing that almost every volunteer at Peaceable Kingdom cat shelter can attest to is the constant pressure to come up with names quickly for all the new arrivals. Sometimes a new arrival will have a unique appearance or personality to suggest a name. However, the number of new arrivals and immediate demand for records often does not allow time for volunteers to get to know the animals, in which case the volunteers will resort to descriptive names, or overused names. In some cases, a creative name can make the difference in a cat’s adoption. After years of service, the rapid naming of cats becomes routine, and volunteers begin to favor certain types of cat names.
Type One: The Ers
Someone once said that to err is human, but in this case, to "er" is feline. Volunteers have frequently taken to giving new cats names that end in er or ers. In some instances, an er name can be appropriate, such as a barn cat named Mouser, or a noisy cat named Boomer. But frequently, the er or ers names have been nothing more than slight variations on common overused names. For instance, instead of naming a cat Fluffy, the cat is named Fluffers, instead of Squeaky a cat is named Squeakers. In addition to the ones already mentioned, to date there has been a Skipper, a Tinker, a Tigger, a Trotter, a Scooter, a Skitter, a Boomer, a Breezer, a Twister, a Pointer, a Hunter, and a Bouncer.
Type 2: Double Names
Occasionally, students may find that they have run out of ideas for their essays, and try to meet the length requirement by simply repeating themselves. What these students might not know is that this trick can work for naming cats too. Except, unlike reusing names of previous shelter cats, each of these names repeats itself. This category includes names such as Tom Tom, Bee Bee, Bon Bon, and Boo Boo.
Type 3: Rhymes and Groups
When the need arises to give new arrivals names, volunteers have a tendency to make them sound the same, assuming the cats are tame. These cat names either rhyme, or are part of a group. So far, the rhymes category has grown to include Buzzy, Fuzzy, and Wuzzy; Lonnie and Bonnie; and Louie, Hughie, Stewie, and Dewey. There will probably be more rhymes to come, and if they are dumb, then who is to blame? While the rhyming names may appear funnier, group names can also make for difficult adoption choices, because volunteers will try to get the group adopted out together, even if the cats have nothing to do with each other. So far at Peaceable Kingdom, there have been Click and Clack; Diva and Maestro; Left and Right; Eeny, Meeny, Mieny, and Moe; Meg, Beth, and Amy; Tic, Tac, and Toe; and Harrigan and Finnegan (who hated each other).
Type 4: Mush
This type of cat name occurs from the volunteers getting too attached to one or more of the cats at the shelter, and giving them very, very affectionate names. When this happens, cats end up with names like Barney Love Bug, Sweetie, Mookie, Kisses, Dreamboat, and worse yet: Luvy Duvy Kissy.
Type 5: Weird
Who? What? Do we have a cat with that name? Where did that come from? These are the first questions volunteers ask when they encounter a cat with a name that is unpronounceable, exotic, or just plain weird. Included in this category are Ico, Essia, and Scrumfussel. Who came up with these names, how they are pronounced, and why these cats received such unusual names is anybody’s guess.
In spite of all the news of more cats on the way, volunteers always feel a sense of accomplishment when one of the cats gets adopted. Of course, if the cat had a name from one of the categories above, the new owners probably renamed it, and are now going through lists of names, creative and ridiculous, while the shelter volunteers read the next set of notes on the shelter’s bulletin board.